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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #316588

  • brogre69
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"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -Napoleon Bonaparte
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #316669

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #316864

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #316876

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The whole Universe is a large joke.
Everything in the Universe are just subdivisions of this joke.
So why take anything too serious.
-- Frank Zappa, in September, 1992,

this is how i fly !!! :)
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #317058

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #317266

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #317267

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Ahaha. This thread is perfect!!

Say you'll never let me go...
A wise sput once said "you laugh at my skills I laugh at your bank account"
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #317512

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #317516

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A quote I really like is while Cherokee Bill was being hung , he was asked if he had any last words he said "I came here to die not give a speech"
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #317654

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Laughter time

GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE

Good evening . . .
At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep.

beeeeeppp ....

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "birth arrival" so we know who it is.

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2

If you want to borrow the car, press 3

If you want us to wash your clothes and do ironing, press 4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7

If you want to come to eat here, press 8

If you need money, press 9

If you are going to invite us to dinner or take us to the theatre,....start talking ..... we are listening...!
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #317670

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Waking, with only the dirt of the Earth as your sole possession, makes a person appreciate what's up. Give someone a hand up today.
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 6 months ago #317678

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When this really isn't your day, a tooth might break off eating pudding.
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #317887

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #318403

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Last edit: by [NLR] The Blue Fighter.

Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #318448

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So true
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #318451

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #318670

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #318824

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This is a senior citizen special . . .


An elderly gentleman.....

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids

that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,

'Your hearing is perfect...... Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again..'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'


*****

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,

and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,

'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said,

'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.

He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,

'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'



*****

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay,

but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure..'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and

whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,

The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his

wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast ?'

*****


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'


*****

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #319027

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #319262

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #319332

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #319558

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #319561

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"Religion is what's keeping the poor man from killing the rich man." - Napoleon Bonaparte
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #319838

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #319849

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He confused religion with faith

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #319982

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Last edit: by [NLR] The Blue Fighter.

Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #320099

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This is a senior citizen special . . .


An elderly gentleman.....

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids

that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,

'Your hearing is perfect...... Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again..'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'


*****

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,

and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,

'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said,

'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.

He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,

'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'



*****

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay,

but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure..'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and

whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,

The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his

wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast ?'

*****


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'


*****

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'



Mrs Squeak and I were laughing like crazy after reading this

Many thanks Blue, have a great day
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Last edit: by Squeak. Reason: fix

Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #320286

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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #320452

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.



.
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Have a Nice Day- Daily Quotes 5 years 5 months ago #320502

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